All my learnin’ can’t save me now.

I would say that I am moderately intelligent. I can usually figure most things out with ease and have pretty decent standardized test scores and did well in school, but even I must admit defeat at the hands of my child’s new toys.

No, no it isn’t because I can’t figure out how to work them and play with them with her, or where and how the batteries go in. No, my failure comes because I do not have the mechanical engineering degree it takes to get them out of the DAMN BOX.

Seriously toy makers is it necessary to have a child’s toy so secure in a box that by the time you find where the box actually opens, navigate the twist ties, plastic straps built by NASA and the ridiculous amount of packaging materials the kid doesn’t even care that the toy is there anymore.

No lie, I almost cut my femoral artery as I stood atop one cardboard box of death trying to pry free the LeapFrog Guitar. I spent longer on Christmas morning getting stuff out of these maniacal contraptions, than I did actually playing with my daughter and her toys. I am pretty sure it would be easier to get a kilo of crack, than it was to get her Fisher Price Singing Grocery Cart out of its packaging.

Bring the troops home because the weapons of mass destruction are not in Iraq or Afghanistan, they were apparently under my Christmas tree and are now strewn about my living room.

SO THIS IS HOW IT ENDS?

I am not going to wax poetically about how proud I am of the Tide, about how this season has been a victory no matter what or how we should be happy with even being in a BCS bowl game. All that is a given. Putting all that aside, I am still disappointed.

I am not disappointed in my team, I am let down by how it all went down. The Sugar bowl is fine. We lost (even though I still get ill over how our 1 lose is any worse than anyone else's', but whatever). I will have to deal with someday, but UTAH????? Freakin' Utah???? Are you kidding me? This is the "reward" we get for a perfect season, losing only once to one of the top teams in the nation. We get Utah???? The Hell???? We schedule teams like Utah for Homecoming. (Somewhere Reilly says, WTF???)

We gain NOTHING by playing Utah. If we win, big deal, we should. If we lose, everything we have done this season will be forgotten. This ridiculous system of promised slots to non-BCS teams is infuriating.  That is the ONLY reason Utah is in this game. They haven't played anyone of note and if they didn't have an agreement with the Sugar bowl they wouldn't be there.

We deserve to play Texas, (don't even get me started on how they should be in Miami) or Ohio State or even Penn State for God's sake. Utah????? We got Utah?????? 

I'm sorry, maybe I am being an elitist bitch but we are better than this. We have done the impossible this year and we should be playing a team that is of the same stature as us. Sorry Utes, you don't fit that role. I applaud your undefeated season but let's be honest, you are in the Mountain West Conf. I don't even know where the MWC begins and ends. I couldn't name another team in the MWC. Not exactly a power-house conference. They are a good team, but still I am not the least bit excited by this matchup. *Yawn* 

If we are going to stick with this retarded BCS system than we have to get rid of the bowl agreements that makes games like this happen. The top teams should play each other. Period. The End. I can deal with us not going to Miami, but the Sugar bowl versus a non-BCS school is a pitiful parting gift. Pick one NCAA. Either have the BCS all the way and have the best versus the best, or move to a playoff. I care not which way you go, but for the love we deserve better. We have earned that much. 

VICTORY IS MINE!!!!

Ok so I didn't really have anything to do with this but I will revel in the glory none-the-less. Today a California court has ordered the makers of those atrocious Bratz dolls to stop making them. No, not because they are in THE WORST of taste, but because Carter Bryant apparently stole the idea for them whilst working at Mattel.

So effective immediately the MGA company responsible for the entire Bratz doll line has to stop production and even.....wait for it......remove the ones from the store shelves by the end of the year. I know my local Wal-Mart will be thrilled that they no longer have to call clean-up on isle 5 because I THREW UP as I walked down the toy isle and saw these little-half-clothed-white-trash-plastic abominations. (I probably used to many hyphens there but I get light headed thinking about how awful these dolls are.)

Rejoice people of the world. No longer will i have to fear that some jack-hole will buy my daughter one of these God-forsaken things or any of the blasted accessories. I can only hope that Mattel will not re-open production of these "dolls". Barbie has done just fine on her own for the last 50 years.