Who needs it...

In an effort to de-clutter, I am now beginning to rid myself of unnecessary items in my house and I shall begin with any type of floor cleaning apparatus. I obviously no longer need it because I have a 1 year old and a dog. 

Adlay's ability to find the most microscopic pieces of lint, dust, paper and even those little ends of the the plastic thingy that hold a price tag on your clothes is remarkable. I am not sure if this is a gift or a curse. While it makes me marvel at how good her vision must be, I often find myself feeling guilty that I didn't get it off the floor before she had the chance to find it an inevitably stick it in her mouth, ear or nose.

As for the dog, Lizzy, I never have a chance. I know dogs can hear well but seriously she is under-foot in the kitchen before the food hits the floor. She then proceeds to lick the floor to make certain there is no trace of said food left. She and her new BFF are quite the pair. Adlay has learned that if she drops food on the floor, Lizzy comes running and apparently this is highly amusing. So by the time I have feed Adlay 3 meals a day, my kitchen floor is hospital grade clean.

Therefore I have multiple Swiffers, a very nice Hoover vacuum cleaner and various floor dusting items I will not be needing for the foreseeable future. Also, if you need thorough floor cleaning services I might be willing to let you borrow my dynamic duo. Mr. Clean, that annoying Pine-Sol lady and those scrubbing bubbles have nothing on these two. You supply the dirt and crumbs, my two will gladly pick it up and eat.

I give you far warning....

*Disclaimer* If you are one of "those" people who lets your child run about like a rabid jungle rat, DO NOT read this blog. It will offend you and you will probably call Santa and have me put on the naughty list. I MEAN IT. If you have zero control over your minor children, DO NOT READ THIS.

The following is a true story. Names have not been changed because the dumb ass people in this story don't deserve protection.

Dear Freaking Clueless Woman Who Ill-advisably Decided to Birth Offspring Even Though You Clearly Have No Business Having Children,

            I understand that you are completely inept at this motherhood gig, even though that has obviously not stifled your ability to continue to birth little hellions but here is a bit of advice. Keep your crusty nosed, ill-behaved, germ monkey away from my daughter. Should your little sewer rat come near my child whilst we wait for her Daddy after Mass, I will be forced to take the appropriate counter measures. I do not want to have to forcefully push him away from my germ free baby, but push I shall if he reaches for her pristine hand with his snotty unwashed appendage. I will not apologize for hurting his overly dramatic feelings by telling him to go away and find his clueless breeder because he is not welcome in our personal space. He is not cute, it is not OK and I do not accept your insincere apology. You are not sorry for him running a muck in the church foyer. If you were you would take his hellion behind to the ladies room and beat it black and blue like my Mother did. As you can CLEARLY see other people are looking at you with the same distain as me, the only difference is I don’t feel the need to spare your feelings by not telling you that you are raising an obnoxious backwoods hillbilly. Let this serve as your warning. I will feel no remorse for any embarrassment on your part, or that of your ridiculous sock-footed heathen. Get control of your son. Stop letting him literally roll on the floor of the Lord’s house and for the love of all the children in Africa stop acting like there is something wrong with me for calling you on your idiocy. Our next encounter, I assure you, will not be this cordial.

Sincerely,
Donya

The most wonderful time....

The search is over. I have found it. Heaven in a cup, Nectar of the Gods, nay The Elixir of Life. It is the Chick-fil-A seasonal shake, the Peppermint Chocolate Chip creation of blissful goodness. It is this creamy cup of brilliance with ever so tiny bits of chocolate and peppermint. All this is not complete without the absurd amount of whipped cream and the proverbial cherry on top. Starbucks beware. The cows are after your monopoly on the seasonal beverage.

OK, so I know it's Christmas season and there are 920,751 new toys out there and they ALL have commercials, however some of these toys are FREAKISH and just plain WRONG.

May I introduce to you the Fisher Price Little Mommy Gotta Go Doll


This is a doll that pees and poops, which in and of itself isn't that bad, I mean I had a Baby Alive, but this doll has sounds AND visuals. It has a little potty and when you put the doll on said potty there are peeing and wait for it......plopping noises. That's right, there are actual plop sounds. And if that isn't bad enough when you pick up the doll there, in the potty is pee and yep, you guessed it, poop! There on this little flipping disk thing is a picture of two little pieces of fecal matter on a yellow pee colored background. WHO IN GOD'S NAME THINKS OF THIS STUFF.

Oh but that isn't the worst of it. People meet the most offensive child’s doll EVER!!!



The BRATZ dolls are horrible little Barbie sized dolls with oversized heads and dress like, well street walkers. Now from the evil genius minds of MGA comes BRATZ BABY. These "babies" have glitter diaperish clothing and bejeweled bottle holder, makeup and ridiculous hair. I know Barbie had her faults of not being proportionately correct but at least she had clothes and ambition. She was an astronaut for God's sake.

I am just going to put this out there, if you buy these or any toys like them, you are a bad parent. There I said it. The only way the toy makers will stop making these disgusting and flat out heinous toys is if you stop buying them. Whatever happened to stuffed animals, and trains and God forbid A BOOK. I DARE someone to buy this crap for my daughter and actually think it will be allowed in my house.