It's my party.....

On Saturday July 28th I will celebrate 26 years of a pretty sweet life. With that in mind I have decided to list my top five birthday wishes. Some are sports related and others are just random longings. So on the eve of the eve of my birthday here are the top five things I will be wishing for when I blow out the candles on my very chocolate birthday cake.

#5. STOP TOUCHING MY BELLY!!! See I told you some were random non-sports related. As most of you know I am preggers, 5 months now. I am slightly showing depending on many variables, some days I don’t look pregnant at all. For some unknown reason people, mostly other women, feel the insatiable need to come up and touch my stomach. I don’t understand this desire to touch someone else’s belly, especially that of a total stranger. Don’t let my recent photo shopped picture, courtesy of Blake The Playmaker Ells I’m sure, give you the wrong impression. If you didn’t help put the baby in there, hands off!!!

#4. NO MORE MICHAEL VICK!!! I wondered if my nausea toward this subject was pregnancy related but I have come to the conclusion that it is not. Yes, what he did, if he did it, was reprehensible. Yes, he should be severely punished if found guilty. Yes, he is a bad representation of NFL players and in no way reflects the African American population as a whole. But I swear if I hear one more person call in to talk about this I will loose it! Keep in mind I am not far from it cuz of the preggers….we’ve all heard of the crazy pregnant ladies. I am asking the D and B audience for one day, Friday maybe, of Vick free talk. One day…that’s all I asking.

#3. MEN OF SPORTS GROW A PAIR!!! As yesterday showed there is a SERIOUS lack of real men in the world at large but more so in the sporting arena. From Barry Bonds not admitting steroid use to coaches like Billy Donovan backing out on jobs I ask myself where have the real men gone? Matt Leinart should pay the mother of his child whatever amount it takes to provide that child the type of lifestyle he would have been given had Matt been a man and remained a presence in the kid’s life. Matt, grow a pair and take care of your child AND his mother. And for those of you who said he doesn’t owe her anything, HE OWES HER A HELL OF A LOT! She kept the baby first of all which should be applauded. The situation with which the child was conceived was less than desirable but she made a tough choice to go through with the pregnancy and raise this child. PREGNANCY IS WORK PEOPLE!!! BABIES ARE EXPENSIVE!! Trust me, I know!! Raising the child alone is work, not to mention the child of an NFL hotshot. He has chosen to remove himself from the life of this child so yes his pocketbook, which is quite full these days, should feel it. $50 MILLION over 6 years with a guaranteed $14 MILLION. He can and frankly should want to provide for his child and that child’s mother. Be a man Matt!

#2. LET’S NOT DUST THE SHELF FOR A NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP JUST YET!!! This one goes out to my fellow Bama fans. I love the Tide just as much, if not more than most people. However I don’t think we need to make room in the trophy case for a crystal football just yet. As I am typing this I am listening to D and B and the word process has been used about 12 times in the first hour. That’s exactly what we are in…a process. We will not win a national championship this year, looks like USC has that one wrapped up. We most likely will not go undefeated this year either, I’m saying 8 hopefully 9 wins. Don’t embarrass yourself and UA by declaring we are gonna mop the field with everyone we play this year. I am asking for my fellow Bama faithful to be patient. As my grandmother has told me numerous times “Act like you’ve been somewhere.” We will be great again so let’s act like the fan base of team who has truly experienced greatness.

And the number one wish I have for my birthday is…….World Peace. OK I am totally kidding!
#1. TONE DOWN THE “TOP (INSERT TOPIC HERE) LISTS!!! I know this is sort of counter intuitive given this is a top five list but I have truly never made a list of top anything before. This is a special occasion, it being my birthday and all. I’m not saying we stop making Top X lists altogether, let’s just tone it down a bit. It seems like there is a least one new list every single day! They lose their emphases when there is a list for every topic under the sun. I mean come on people, a list of the Top Worst anything is a bit much. Do we really need to draw attention to the worst of any group, I think not. Let’s reserve the Top X list for truly exceptional events. It’s like the overuse of words like Awesome, Great and Best. If everything is a top something then nothing really is.

All the cool kids are doing it.

When we were just children our mothers would ask, “If all your friends jumped off a bridge would you jump too?” Mine was trying to prove a point that blindly following the crowd would get you in trouble, not to mention was cowardly and for the faint of heart.

So last week when I was confronted with a “bridge jumper” whilst floating in the pool in Orange Beach, I thought to myself…..Why was the answer so clear when we were children but as adults we will jump on whatever bandwagon seems most beneficial at that moment?

The story goes I was wearing my UA visor and a woman asked me if I went to Bama. I explained I had graduated already but was a loyal fan and would attend games for the rest of my life. She then informed me she was a big fan of Nick Saban, for unspecified reasons, and preceded to say, and I quote, “I might just have to become a Bama fan cuz he’s the coach now.” To which I nearly spit out my flavored water….pregnant remember…..and thought thanks but no thanks lady. We don’t need any bandwagoners.

What is a bandwagoner you ask? Well I define them as someone who changes alliances like they change their underwear, and with less reason. They are the faction of fans that for no rhyme or reason pledge their undying loyalty to the team of the moment. Prime example….people living in Simple Town USA who in 2004 became the biggest Red Sox fan in the history of ever, overnight. They couldn’t name the starting lineup but the LOVED their Sox, and by association hated the Yankees. They are also known as Five Minute Fans, Greyhound Alumni or Johnny Come Lately.

To me college sports has the largest collection of bandwagoners on the planet. These people jump from team to team depending on the winning patterns of years past. Maybe it’s the close proximity to the college itself, maybe it’s the ease with which one can attend a college sporting event, who knows. All I know is that it irritates the bejezzers out of me!

For the record, I HATE BANDWAGONERS! I loathe the people who say, oh I cheer for Alabama when they aren’t playing Auburn. (P.S. we don’t need your halfhearted support, don’t come to Bryant Denny if you don’t even know who Bryant and Denny were and I’m pretty sure my Auburn counterparts fell the same way about ya.) I distain the people who two years ago couldn’t get enough Texas football paraphernalia and now do the gator chomp at the mere mention of Urban Myer. You are the Mary freakin’ Poppins of college sports and I am begging you to stop. Pick a side, any side and stay there!

So with roughly 50 days until college football kicks off I make this plea. To all the bandwagoners out there I implore you, align your loyalty and be true to IT whatever IT may be. Either that or stop professing to the rest of the world you are “now” a (insert team here) fan because they win. Trust me no one cares and for that matter no one wants your wishy washy allegiance Charlie Brown. If you don’t truly love the team stay at home and change the channel to the Food Network during commercials. We don’t want you in our stadiums and can’t be held responsible for evil glances or snide remarks made in your direction when you miss-sing the words to OUR fight song! I’m not asking you to live and die by a team like I do, but for the love of Pete stand for something. I have more respect for any Auburn fan that bleeds orange and blue than some Bama bandwagoner who comes to Tuscaloosa just to see Nick Saban. We can fill our 92,000 seats without you, thanks.