All the cool kids are doing it.

When we were just children our mothers would ask, “If all your friends jumped off a bridge would you jump too?” Mine was trying to prove a point that blindly following the crowd would get you in trouble, not to mention was cowardly and for the faint of heart.

So last week when I was confronted with a “bridge jumper” whilst floating in the pool in Orange Beach, I thought to myself…..Why was the answer so clear when we were children but as adults we will jump on whatever bandwagon seems most beneficial at that moment?

The story goes I was wearing my UA visor and a woman asked me if I went to Bama. I explained I had graduated already but was a loyal fan and would attend games for the rest of my life. She then informed me she was a big fan of Nick Saban, for unspecified reasons, and preceded to say, and I quote, “I might just have to become a Bama fan cuz he’s the coach now.” To which I nearly spit out my flavored water….pregnant remember…..and thought thanks but no thanks lady. We don’t need any bandwagoners.

What is a bandwagoner you ask? Well I define them as someone who changes alliances like they change their underwear, and with less reason. They are the faction of fans that for no rhyme or reason pledge their undying loyalty to the team of the moment. Prime example….people living in Simple Town USA who in 2004 became the biggest Red Sox fan in the history of ever, overnight. They couldn’t name the starting lineup but the LOVED their Sox, and by association hated the Yankees. They are also known as Five Minute Fans, Greyhound Alumni or Johnny Come Lately.

To me college sports has the largest collection of bandwagoners on the planet. These people jump from team to team depending on the winning patterns of years past. Maybe it’s the close proximity to the college itself, maybe it’s the ease with which one can attend a college sporting event, who knows. All I know is that it irritates the bejezzers out of me!

For the record, I HATE BANDWAGONERS! I loathe the people who say, oh I cheer for Alabama when they aren’t playing Auburn. (P.S. we don’t need your halfhearted support, don’t come to Bryant Denny if you don’t even know who Bryant and Denny were and I’m pretty sure my Auburn counterparts fell the same way about ya.) I distain the people who two years ago couldn’t get enough Texas football paraphernalia and now do the gator chomp at the mere mention of Urban Myer. You are the Mary freakin’ Poppins of college sports and I am begging you to stop. Pick a side, any side and stay there!

So with roughly 50 days until college football kicks off I make this plea. To all the bandwagoners out there I implore you, align your loyalty and be true to IT whatever IT may be. Either that or stop professing to the rest of the world you are “now” a (insert team here) fan because they win. Trust me no one cares and for that matter no one wants your wishy washy allegiance Charlie Brown. If you don’t truly love the team stay at home and change the channel to the Food Network during commercials. We don’t want you in our stadiums and can’t be held responsible for evil glances or snide remarks made in your direction when you miss-sing the words to OUR fight song! I’m not asking you to live and die by a team like I do, but for the love of Pete stand for something. I have more respect for any Auburn fan that bleeds orange and blue than some Bama bandwagoner who comes to Tuscaloosa just to see Nick Saban. We can fill our 92,000 seats without you, thanks.